Yi Ni Mi Ni My Ni Mo

Good Friday!

2009-04-10T00:32:00.003+08:00

It's good friday today! What it really means to me is that it a holiday which I have to study all day long! What a shame! Too bad the examinations are just next week for me. I just have to endure through it. 守得云开见月明!

It's drizzling out there right now, and I 'brave' through the rain to buy something for myself. It's been a long time since I ever caught myself in the rain, and it really feels good for the rain to be pouring down on me. I even wish that the rain is heavier. Abit sadistic, I guess, but nonetheless i feel good. It seems to be able to wash away my fatigue. LOL...

EE2002 is really a terror. I used up almost all my brain cells today just to study the module. Right now I feel weak in my knees too when I think about the day spent tackling the subject. Luckily focus comes to me today pretty easily without much distractions. I was really caught by surprise when I realize I can study in air con room without much trouble.

Well, certainly things are different from the past semester of studying, especially with 9 modules to study this semester. All this while I haven't been able to cope with so many things in my mind. Memories from the past, events happening in the present and whatever that is going to come in the future. It happens from time to time, striking me when I'm the least vulnerable.

Yesterday was quite a memorable one for me. I don't really know why, but when my lecturer from my literature module said, "如果你不能原谅一件事，那就试着去体谅吧。"

What can I say? I'm dumbfounded. Somehow, I find it easier to start to forgive myself, to understand others, and to finally found something which I thought is lost forever. All of a sudden, I feel relieved, and felt a kind of energy which I haven't felt for a long long time. It's refreshing, and motivating. I got hold of a piece of me that has been shattered and missing for eons. At least now I know I'm really recovering.

面向阳光，勇往直前吧。

Incoming waves

2009-04-07T20:06:00.002+08:00

Suddenly, I'm hit by a wave of anxiety. Talk about studies, I'm way way too lazy to even start emailing my prof and moderator about the time to meet and stuff. Sometimes I wonder, if it's really because that I'm lazy, or am I afraid.

Afraid of what?

Afraid I couldn't present a demo to the moderator.

Afraid that I have no time to deal with FYP amidst the studying period.

Things have to be done, I know. Yet, something is seriously bothering me.

Something?

Nothing?

Perhaps...

Maybe...

Words, phrases, sentences, actions, behaviours. Whatever it is, it impacts and influences. Some in a major way, some in a minor way. Ways unseen by the naked eye, directions determined by emotions.

What am I doing then?

Listening to songs to try and diminish any hint of desperation, confusion, and sadness.

五月天-宠上天
词曲:阿信

你爱看鬼片又怕看鬼片
又要我陪坐在你身边
很想告诉你我比你还怕鬼
我无时无刻都无怨无悔
让你无忧又无虑每一天

你一个口令我一个动作
绝不拖延你一个皱眉
我三条黑线整个高度警戒
我无时无刻都无怨无悔
让你无法又无天的撒野

是我的朋友就是我的baby
就算你打我踢我也都ok
就是要宠你宠你宠上了天
天堂整个搬到你身边

是一座堡垒是一种哲学
我们之间是一股热血
是一句乾杯也是一种永远
我无时无刻都无怨无悔
让爱无穷又无尽万万岁

是我的朋友就是我的baby
就算你打我踢我也都ok
就是要宠你宠你宠上了天
天堂整个搬到你身边

是我的朋友就是我的baby
你想要蹂躏虐待也都随便
就是要宠你宠你宠上了天
让谁都羡慕都赞美
让都傻眼

Somehow, the catchy tune of this songs really lightens me up...

Confused

2009-04-03T00:14:00.002+08:00

Hmmm.. Today is quite a productive day for me, drawing mind maps and studying the tutorials for the coming quiz.

As usual, I met up with Ruifang for a swim in the morning. I don't know how long we can keep this up, especially with the coming exams.

Went to the MAE Nexus today to study with the rest, which results in isolating myself to study. LOL. There really isn't enough space for more than 3 person to study in that small table. So in the end, I moved out to somewhere more spacious.

The reason I'm confuse? I'm not sure either. Time passes by pretty much like a flash today, and I see no reason to be confuse throughout the day, maybe for one though. I couldn't calm myself down to study after that. It's pretty contradicting to myself. Just let it go. LOL.

Here it comes again

2009-03-29T23:24:00.002+08:00

Exams is around the corner again. This time round, I have to clear 9 modules this semester. I have again gotten myself in this kind of deep shit, which I have to clear it myself. Oh well...

This is the final time I'm taking the exams, after which I would be going out to the working society to start the eternity of working. Somehow, I feel nostalgic about ending the seemingly miserable study life.

Lots of things has happened throughout the entire 4 years in University. I couldn't say most of them are happy memories, but they had become part of my life. I guess most people will be glad to get rid of the hell they are in, but somehow I just feel that I'm not really that prepared for the outside world yet. I felt lost in the dynamic world, and afraid of the responsibilities that I'm about to fully take up.

Many things have been going through my mind lately.

Who are the 'friends' that would remain as friends after I graduate?

What have I achieve in this 4 years?

Where would I be after this?

How can I survive in the working world with the attitude I have?

When will I really grow up?

Am I a failure?

Haiz... My mind is in a mess right now...

Dawn after the Storm

2009-03-10T14:04:00.003+08:00

Finally! After a few days of rushing and burning of the midnight oil, I finally submitted the draft of my final year project report to my prof. It's a short break before I start to finish up other reports that is piling up while I'm doing the fyp report.

Been staring at the computer screen almost 24 hours a day. Sooner or later, my specs would come in handy in helping me to adjust my sight. It's pretty saddening to see that I haven't been consistent in my work and I had to do last minute work with those screw up effort. Why can't I ever change my habit? Ugh.

When I reach a certain part in my report, I have to write down my accomplishment. At first, I was astonished at it, and I even ask my friends about what to write in the section.

"Write you completed the report in 3 days. That an accomplishment!"

"Bring a knife with you, and stab your prof. That an accomplishment!"

Oh well, all the cock and bull comments for me to put in my report, which would finally result in me failing my project assessment. Perhaps it's just lightening remarks for me to relax, but har, I just want to get the report over and done with.

Everyone is equally stressed up about the submission of the report. Let hope it would pass quickly...

Surprise!

2009-03-05T23:19:00.000+08:00

Guess what. My FYP prof called me on my cellphone this morning! I was shock when I heard his voice through my phone.

I thought I might honour him with his appearence on my blog. So here it goes.

What's more surprising is his tone when he spoke to me. Never had I thought I would heard him using his "friendly tone" which i presume is reserved for his grade A students. Guess the "stabbing incident" really

spook things up in the upper levels huh.

Well, since he had finally been nice to me, I think I shall really return the 'favor' and start to properly do my FYP, though it's really my own stuff. But I just can't stand doing things for someone who ill-treats me, and thus I haven't had any motivation to continue my FYP. Things are different now, I guess. Childish me, but it's me. LOL.

Now it's time to really start on it. 5 days left...

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Xiao Xing send me this video link from youtube, which I find it pretty interesting.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFOiDs0zQrc&feature=channel

Credits given to whoever that did this video. (Can't really remember the site in the video)

Time to go for my steamboat gathering!!

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Went Hall 9 for a Ex-HPC steamboat with Hongwei, Kerry, Zhenhao, Weiqiang, Teckpin, Robin, Gary, Bala, and Meg. She baked such wonderful cupcakes for us. The picture is taken from her blog. Zhenhao even want to learn from her so that he can bake some for his girlfriend. LOL.

Haven't really see them for a long time, after we have 'graduated' from JCRC. Everyone still look the same, with TP as crappy as ever and ZH keep 'shooting' him. I had to leave early back to my room to prepare for my project meeting for EE8087 tomorrow afternoon. So I bid them farewell and hitch a ride from Meg (she left early to join her husband for a session of '打小人' at a certain temple near the school).

In the end, the project meeting was cancelled and here I am now typing this entry and waiting for my computer to finish up with the final installations so that it can be fully functional.

*Looking through the 'Writing Thesis' that my FYP prof kindly send me*

Get to know yourself better?!?!

2009-03-05T03:18:00.002+08:00

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Alright... Did this "whatever that your wanna call it" while waiting for my computer to finally restore itself to it's original state. Spend a wholly 2 days to fix my computer. What a waste of time. Ugh!

Walk the 'Esplande'

2009-03-02T02:17:00.003+08:00

A short gathering with the 'study group' on the 27th Feb 2008. After watching the movie 'He's not that into you' (which I feel that it's pretty funny), we then went on to 'Curry Favour' for dinner. A stall which Lixuan wants to visit. The food there is erm... Pretty good, but it's quite costly. Just 5 simple fried chesse crochet + an Aladdin lamp of curry cost a hefty S$19.90. Ugh. *heartpain*

We had an early celebration at Dome for Ruifang's birthday since his falls on a weekday, where everyone would most probably be not free to do anything also. A simple cake, and a simple teasing around. Don't have pictures though, (pretty lazy to take though) but i'm enjoying my Macchiato while singing birthday song for him. LOL.

After which, we take a walk around the esplanade, but all of the shop are closing down. Tiring day..

Lunar New Year

2009-01-31T02:14:00.008+08:00

This is a free day, except for the lessons during the day. Free from work. Constant working at the Airport has made me pretty sick of the Airport. LOL... Guess people did not get a lot of chance to enter the transit area of the airport to shop, especially so many times within a month. So I took the time to relax, and prepare myself to slap myself hard for the coming February.

Went out with the study group to celebrate Yong Zhen's birthday, which I didn't realise until the ice-cream is being brought out. How blur of me. Took a couple of pictures with my phone, for
fun.

Gotta work in the morning at the Airport (again) with Ruifang. So I gotta push myself to sleep now...

Weakness

2009-01-21T01:19:00.003+08:00

OKAY, my whole upper body is aching, the worst ever. It's like they are screaming every minute, "I don't wanna move!" I have never expect my muscles to complain like this before, probably from the self preservation habit that I have. Come to think of it, I have never try to exert my body to the maximum, always trying to reserve some strength for emergencies, for which I have no idea. No wonder I can't build up my body.

I have succumb to smoking again today, with Siyuan, and Jeremy. I'm damn weak. Can't even bring myself to say no, again. Yet I couldn't be possibly avoiding all the god damn smokers that's my friends. It comes down to the evident choices:

Say "No"
Carry on since I didn't spend on it

Knowing myself, I will not tolerate myself to live off on others, and eventually, I would be buying cigarettes again before I know it. Wei Ling told me this just now: "Attitude determines the Altitude." Even though the context that it is used is different, I guess it could well represent what I'm supposed to do in this situation as well.
---> Option 1.

But how am I suppose to go about doing it? When I don't hate the image of being a smoker.

*racking my head*

I shall... Buy super alot of candies to eat (especially those that are mint). Argh I'm an idiot.

Saw Boo in Hall 11 just now. He's gone into the "lock yourself in the room" mode, pretty similar to what I'm doing right now too. It's like a deja-vu, seeing myself in place of Boo. It's unhealthy, I realise. So much for saying others, and not myself, and now I'm gorging myself with CNY food. It's a season to be sicky. LOL...

My hands are not recovering. Darn... Looks like I'm gonna take drastic measure to let it recover, for example, not writing. Ha ha.

Maybe it's due to the fact that I didn't faithfully apply the medicine that's been given to me by the doctors. But applying just makes my skin peels faster, which doesn't really affect much. The bubbles just keeps appearing, like something is beneath my hands blowing bubbles out. The more irritating thing is, it itches. -.-

Let's just go apply the cream, and sleep, since I have early lessons tomorrow morning, and I skipped all my lessons today. *feeling bad*

New Year Resolution

2009-01-19T01:00:00.006+08:00

Okay, 1st blog entry on the day of creation. I created countless blogs before, and stop writing after 1 week or so for many times. Not sure how long this blog will last, but I will try to keep it as long as possible before the enthusiasm runs out. LOL.

Just came back from running, after an evening spent in the gym. Pretty exhausting day for me. Especially when I haven't been exercising for half a year! Totally spent.

<----- My running khakis

This picture is taken on an impromptu drinking session in my room and chatting for hours. It's really an unintended session and all of us are surprise by the time when we are about to end. From left to right, [Lixuan], [Ruifang], and me. The setting, of course is my cosy small single room, which I'm about to move out in half a year's time.

Time is really passing really fast. All is good except for the fact that I haven't been touching my FYP at all, and that, is not a good sign. I really think I'm gonna fail the FYP, which is a wholly 10 AUs. OMG, how bad can my life be, when I'm so lazy. Sigh. (So much for saying myself. Can't really get the motivation up to work on it.)

Okay, it's now officially 0139H, and I officially declare I shall not smoke anymore. Considering the concerns (and nagging) from my friends, my health (which until now I'm not really convince), my financial status (super duper low), and my future girlfriend-to-be (which I don't know who yet). Saying no might not be easy, but I'm thinking perhaps if I can get myself down to really stop smoking, I might get back my determination to start doing work, instead of being lazy. Oh well... God (if there's any) help me. Since this is the first entry, and it's near the Chinese New Year, I think it's appropriate to list down my New Year Resolutions:

STOP Smoking
Find the ONE
Graduate IN time
Sleep early
Wake up early
Exercise and get FIT, not FAT

It's a pretty short list, and I really hope I can achieve this. Year 2009, here I come...